will work for simulation access

So, I'm still on the job hunt.  I had a job and lost it by technicality.  Then I "had" a job and lost it by counterfeit.  I wish I could not work.  No one really wants to work.  So few people actually have that job that is their passion.  Why do we work? It's pointless.  If nobody had money then no one would need money.  If no one had a job, then nobody would need a job.  And maybe some people think it would be boring.  That they need to work, and impress and whatever the hell people want to work for. If you are a scientist, there is no reason you can't be a scientist.  There is no reason you can't still pursue things. (Honestly, if you dream of a desk job, how much are you missing?) It's not a halt to society.  Not having a job doesn't mean you wouldn't work.  You would read or work on your house or tend a garden or practice dancing or go to movies and plays or travel or blow glass or whatever.  Our creative and intelligent minds must pursue! It's just the blinding, driving green snow of money boxes us into this idea of what life should be.  We have placed these binds on ourselves! We spend so much time trying to survive this crazy, oppressive life we have built, that we don't even know what freedom means anymore.  We think spending 40+ hours a week at a job doing work for someone else to make a little bit of money that big brother and his deadbeat family whittle away from you so you can afford to spend two weeks a year rushing around until your too tired to think on "vacation" being "yourself" is FREE? So if you spent 40 hours a week for 40 years at your job that means you spent about 9 1/2 years of your life doing work that benefited you in almost no way at all.  And let's be honest, most people probably work closer to 50+ years.
Let's see, when was the term 'mid-life crisis' coined...it was put into the The International Journal of Psycho-Analysis in 1965. So people have been working proper jobs for a while now and these days the life span of humans has lengthened and midlife is now increasingly reaching a median of 50 years.  Whereas, before this time, it might have been around 30 years.  Think about who you are at 30 and who you are at 50.  You have two extra decades of time, work, sweat.  You have that much more time to think about yourself and who you are and what you would do with your life if you just had the time. People started looking at their lives differently.  Wondering about the point of it all.  Sure we progress and we advance but we still sit and drone st jobs while looking out windows at pretty days wishing we were out in them. Why? before we started getting older we worked until we were dead. Then we were like, "fuck that shit! I'm not working until I'm 80."  So then this thing called retirement plucks up because people realize how completely unfulfilling having a job is, how much they are missing and in their elder years hope to see some of it before they die after wasting so much time.  So we have a crisis where we realize that we have done nothing for our own self in our own life, and we splurge and go a little crazy and blow a bunch of money that we now realize is meaningless to happiness, but the problem is we are still stuck in a culture that prevents us from living our lives to the fullest.  Everyone should be able to travel and see the world their whole lives.  We have so little time as it is, we should put all our effort into exploring and learning that life.  Learning ourselves and others and this world and other worlds and galaxies and universes.  We are far too complacent in this life. Believing that our species is somehow a pinnacle of existence is just depressingly close-minded.  Who would want to live in a reality so small?  One so finite, with little to no room for improvisation...it's scary. And it's not even real.  It's just our own minds, too afraid of endless possibility to allow it to happen.  So we create these ideas of money and work and taxes and debt that keep us separated and weak as a species. No one should have to work.  And it's not that I think the government should take care of everyone because I think those are stupid too.  The entire system is flawed. The way we perceive it is flawed.

conclusively,
Mav

Scatter Brain Betsy

I've been in Portland for about a week now. I am loving it.  Granted, I haven't seen very much of it yet, still settling in, but I love the new apartment, the animals are settling in wonderfully.  I also love the hills and trees and raindrop bedazzled leaves and the magical fog and mist. It makes me feel creative, it makes me feel wild.

Everyone is all, oh people only began to see UFOs because they became popular in sci-fi. Nobody thinks, maybe people just are a lot more open about their encounters or what they see because it has become popular.  People feel more comfortable talking about it.  Whereas, beforehand it probably would have been seen as ridiculous and a lot of people were probably thought mad and put away or given drugs or what have you. Point is, absence of evidence is not the evidence of absence.  I know that also works the other way around, but its the idea of leaving your mind open to the possibility.

Membrane Food

I'm visiting home for the first time since I moved away.  I am looking forward to it and also don't feel really ready yet.  My mom wouldn't have me not coming home for some sort of holiday celebration with the family.  I wish Astro, my boyfriend, could come. It'll  be good to go home solo, I think. And better that it be now... I'm going to really enjoy it.  There is a first and a last for everything.  All moments are so bittersweet. Here and fleeting. You have to make the most of it and remember every laugh and smell and look across the table. Things that we see now and take for granted might suddenly become important to you later on, and you'll wish you could remember and hope you never forget.

"Vehicle" by The Ides of March
I wish the quality was a little bit better on this.  But I like that it's actually them performing.

how about another:
"I Wont Let You Down" by OK Go
So many umbrellas. Seriously impressive.


Ponderously,
Mav


PS: my cell phone has been dropped several tiimes and the screen is so smashed, I can't see the darn thing.  I plan to be getting a new phone in the coming couple of weeks. From whence I will start updating my instagram again.

May 10, 2014

I never really got the meek shall inherit the earth shit from the bible. I didn't get the moral. Why should they get the earth? But I don't think I understood meek properly. To be meek is to look at the greater good. Mother Teresa was meek. Not because she was weak or didn't have strong beliefs and ideals but that, no matter what they were, they were geared towards the greater good.  Gandhi too even. To be meek is to have a selflessness that is so rare in our world that the word we use for it is misconstrued and what we actually use the word selfless for has nothing at all to do with being truly giving. And it's not even a literal inherit but all the world is ours. Give up yourself and gain everything. I mean it's what god preaches all the time but he was off in that he only wants you to give yourself to him but really it's when you give yourself to the people, the world, our society, humanity, species, existence.

every step a struggle and every struggle an opportunity

Hi there.  Mav here.

2014 will contain the least posts yet. Though, to be fair, I haven't had a computer for months now. I am moving to Portland, Oregon on Nov. 1st. I am so excited. I'm moving in with my boyfriend. Words cannot express how wonderful he is. Portland will be a whole new adventure.

10 things I've learned moving cross-country solo:

1) save at least $5,000 before moving. [this won't be nearly enough] if you rent a u-haul, expect to pay $1k up front for that and another $500 on gas (for the smallest truck capable of towing an SUV). At least. That's just to get you there. If you want to move, even if you think it's two years in the future, go ahead and start saving now.

2) it's ok to only get a studio apartment for your first. [you will still think you don't need all that "space" every month when rent is due.] especially if you are trying to live downtown or near the local scene.  You don't need a breakfast nook and a big bedroom. You're going to be working and coming home to pass out for at least several months. Work your way up to a bigger apartment. Don't waste your money on furniture...mine was donated to me. Starting with nothing can be more fun. It really will give you that sense of accomplishment when you have money to buy a couch. You can sink into its cushions and know you made it happen.

3) balconies are a wonderful wonderful thing. If you can find a studio (or any apartment) with a balcony or patio then you should consider yourself lucky. It makes all the difference, especially if you have animals. My cats love to sit on the balcony and watch the birds and squirrels and catch bugs. It's extra square footage to put a chair and some plants. Because keeping nature close is important.

4) your apartment, in general, is super important. If you don't have a place you can come to relax then everything will be a lot more difficult.

5) walking saves gas, which is expensive. You will learn all the places right by your dwelling and walk the mile radius around it often to avoid spending your precious gas [which is used to drive to work].

6) places you can walk to get food with your dog are awesome in every way [kill two birds with one stone]

7) finding a job is a difficult and tedious process.  constant applications will make you want to pull your hair out. [and with two jobs you still won't make enough to pay all your bills on time.] (you'll consider getting a third job, maybe you even will.)

8) hand washing your clothes is therapeutic.  hand washing your dishes is gross.  both are necessary.

9) it will be difficult. You will second guess every decision you've made that led you to move far away from everyone you know by yourself. You will wish you hadn't. You will wonder how you're going to make it. You will doubt your ability to survive. You'll want to go back home and also feel embarrassed to show your face there.

10) you will survive. You will be so glad you took this risk. You will learn about yourself and become a stronger individual. You'll gain appreciation for your parents and how hard they worked to raise three kids: then you'll convince yourself it wasn't as hard for them. You'll visit home the first time and feel older, wiser.


I'm ready for this next step in my life. I'm excited to explore more, learn more, grow more. In the end, that's all you have: the experiences.


Milky Chance - Down By The River
This band is awesome. I'm sure you've heard "Stolen Dance" by them on the radio (if not, now's your milky chance :P) this whole album is great, so just go ahead and take the afternoon exploring them.



Simply,
Mav

PS: the music page is updated! Whoop!

some lessons are learned by teaching

The more people you allow into your life the more chances you have to get hurt. The more people you allow to get close to you, the more you take that risk. But is it easier to be alone? Is it easier to swear off any type of companionship? Maybe you're answer is yes. Maybe not. Maybe your circumstances make it seem like you could or couldn't live without people. Maybe you are hurting and wish you'd never allowed them close to you in the first place. Sometimes it's hard to allow yourself to love. It's harder to allow yourself to be loved. To let someone know your worries and fears. We enjoy sharing the good news but the bad news, the news of struggling and hardship and failure...it's embarrassing. No one wants to tell anyone about fucking up, not truly. It makes you hurt. Makes you feel like you're hurting them. Would that make them wish you had never gotten close to them? There was a Facebook meme that said (something along the lines of) "when you act like you're happy when you're actually hurting it shows how strong you are". But is it stronger to hide your feelings from the world or is it a more powerful gesture to admit that you aren't perfect? The latter shows a fearlessness that fake happiness will never understand. We all hurt, we all fail, we all wish we were better. So don't let your shame get the better of you. It's ok to fall into hard times and have to struggle.

Because why do we fall?
So we can learn to pick ourselves up.

Mav

Firdee

So this song is called My Sweet Summer by Dirty Heads. It's a really bumping, flowing song. It makes my hips sway and my head bounce. It's not an actual video, they didn't have many. Maybe I'm just stoned and didn't take the time to truly look, because I'm doing all this on my phone anyway. But at least the quality is really good. Put in some headphones.

Ethereally,
Mav

Doobie Doobie doo

Call Me In The Afternoon by Half Moon Run

This song is just really great and sort of complex and disjointed. Give it a listen. Bummed I can't afford to go to the Denver Comic Con. Maybe next year. But still this song is really great. It had me dancing around my apartment.

Mile high,
Mav

Organized Ignorance

I'm officially boycotting professional sports. It's a matter of principle. The amount of money spent on them is ridiculous. At the bar I work in, I have to keep sports on the tv. The highest played MLB player signed a $300 million contract to get $30,000,000 a year for the next ten years. And he got a $10k signing bonus. That's on ONE player. In a sport that isn't even the most strenuous. We spend billions of dollars every year on entertainment! It doesn't even benefit us in any way. Imagine if all the people who spend their money on sports spent half of that on education or medical research. It is ridiculous to me that we would even allow such a gross expenditure on something as trivial as sports. Don't get me wrong. I think organized sports are good for team building and character enhancement and exercise and even acquiring some skills, but an athlete does not need $30 million a year. Pay them, but be realistic. Does someone who runs down a field and catches a football really deserve $15,000,000? If every athlete gave half their check (or honestly like 3/4) to education or to medical research then I'd be a little happier about it. Not to mention the fact that teachers don't even get $100,000 a year. The person who spends almost as much time teaching and molding your children as you do. Being a teacher should be what you dream of. To be able to teach the next generation. Help them avoid the pitfalls of our society. But everyone wants to be a basketball player. So we have exceptionally skilled golfers and disappointingly subpar teachers. If the tables were turned we would have people striving to be better teachers instead of better jumpers. What is really important? We are an ignorant species to allow such stagnancy in our society. To allow ourselves, for decades now, to complain about the situation our country is in. How can we be mad for a situation we perpetuate? The day we put everything back into the society and the world and we still can't make it is the day I'll stop preaching. Stop being so blind, people. Wake up! This is our world. There is a past, but at this rate we have no future. Don't just brush it off and say, "Oh this generation is the problem." Or, "I can't do anything because I'm just a person with no money or status to persuade anyone." If you are alive then you have no excuse in not speaking out. Use your voice. In the end all we are is our voices. If everyone spoke up, the demands of the people would be a roaring fury of change. We have nothing but the things we fight for. The moment you say, "I can't do anything," that is the moment you give up.

Emphatically,
Mav


PS: This is artist Pawel Kuczynski. He's got some really inspiring work, so take five minutes to check him out and then take another hour discussing these pieces with someone else.

This is that blip on the radar screen.

So I was driving home from work, I'm a bartender now, and I was listening to the radio. They were having a debate about a guy who got a DUI for steering a car 9 feet. He didn't have the keys, the car was not turned on. They were pushing it to get it out of the way because it was blocking another car. The cop watched this happen and then went and got the guy in trouble. So the question was whether or not the guy should've gotten a DUI. It's a grey area. The law states that you are not allowed to "operate" a vehicle. Well, technically this guy was operating, but let's not ignore the fact that that cop is a total prick and totally entrapped the guy. And last I checked, here in America, entrapment is a crime in and of itself. But they had callers and they all thought he shouldn't have gotten it but one person. The last person they had call in said that she strongly thought he should not have gotten a DUI because her husband got one for talking to his sister while sitting drunk on a four wheeler with the keys in his pocket. They got him because they said he had the "potential" to drive. What the fuck? Since when does potential become action? We can't arrest someone for the "potential" to commit crimes. This isn't Minority Report. Everything has potential to turn sinister. I drive but I could potentially hit someone so should I be arrested for potential manslaughter? I walk down streets should I get a ticket for potentially loitering? Where's the god damn line? The potential to commit a crime is not a crime committed. If that were the case then everyone should be in jail.

Heatedly,
Mav


"An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind."

Colorado

I missed all of January.  I know.  Moving and getting settled has been insane.  I'm still not really settled like I want to be.  I still need to find a second job, but I'm doing much better.  It's gorgeous out here.  The scenic mountain views as you drive into the city and the snow and the cold.  The oh so very cold.  Last week it got down to around -18 degrees. NEGATIVE! and my heat went out at one point, and the hot water.  It was awful.

But I got a puppy.  Peak gave her to me.  She is a little Yorkie and her name is Rose den Stygge Ulven II. It's Norwegian! :) means: Rose the Bad Wolf II lol.  I'm going to get her a collar that's TARDIS blue with yellow stitching.

Recently, my best friend asked me what I tend to contemplate the most. When I am just sitting and toking and letting my mind wander.  At first I had no idea what to say and then promptly forgot all about it.  Well just now I was laying here and thinking and I remembered that he had asked me that question. I tend to think about people.  Not just in general or about really any personal relationships.  Those things are not important things to contemplate when one is contemplating.  But about great societal tendencies and the way that our created world inhibits and perpetuates and enables us to act and learn and change and grow. I also tend to think about if there is or isn't any greater connection between us.  Or just the connections themselves unfolding before me in a full visible spectrum of light and color.  I think that's a good way to envision it.  Everyone has a particular shade, tint, tone, color that is all their own.  Not every color is visible to our human eye, but we also don't see everyone's story.  Just the stories closest to ours.  And some people live invisible lives on purpose, like spies or criminals or someone really paranoid. I like to think about the downfalls of our humanity, as well.  There's something motivating about realizing you still haven't accomplished what you want.  As a humanity, as a whole, we are not a very good one.  What will people look back on this time and say?  The beauty about it is that we can always make this moment better.  I hope and know that one day we will have peace, but for now I'm glad to be in the struggle.  I'm sure we always will be in the struggle.  That's what really separates us from the rest of the animals.  We strive to attain.  We are unsatisfied creatures.  We need to be chasing after something, working towards something.  It can be work or sports or a hobby or religion or exploration or love, anything, but the heart always wants.  These are the types of things that I tend to contemplate.  There are other things as well, but these are the main ones.

My posts are probably going to be shorter these days.  As I grow, my blog grows with me.  And I find I want to talk about myself less and talk more about these things that I supposedly so often think about. We shall see, I suppose.

Resoundingly,
Mav

How long has it been since I did a song of the day?  Feels like a very very long time.  I have a good one for you though.  Shawn Lee's Ping Pong Orchestra's "Kiss The Sky"  This song has a real funky beat going on.  It's great to just groove too.  So turn it up, take a hit, and chill.  Tell them Maverick sent you ;)