I went to this party last night and I ended up talking to this guy and he didn't know the Beatles and wasn't into comics and didn't really watch sports and wasn't like into superheros or anything. I asked him what he did. Like if he didn't like any of those things, then what did he like? I realize that this is only a very few things within the grand scheme of everything to do in the world, but I feel like it covers a lot of bases. Especially for the modern generation that we are living in. This is what our popular social culture is throwing at us. I know that supposedly being a "nerd" is hipster or something. But lets face it being hipster is cool. The strict definition of hipster is someone who is on the fringes of society, squeaking past social norms, finding their own path and moving away from the mainstream. If we are truly honest with ourselves though, the idea of a hipster and what it personifies has completely changed. Now being hipster/hippie/nerd etc is the cool thing. It is consistently being portrayed in our social media. We have superhero movies galore, main characters are getting consistently more geeky. Less of them are sports jocks, they have trouble getting the person they love, they like some form of creative work, such as drawing, writing, or acting. They are often times seen as the "loner" the "outcast" or the "misunderstood". So I would have to go out on a limb and say that being "hipster" is no longer hipster. It could possibly be said that labeling yourself at all is seen as mainstream. By labeling you are announcing to the world what and who you are for their approval. True individuality does not seek out a label, but only strives to be them. Perhaps this label is a further personification of societies struggle to compartmentalize. Everything around us, every thought, every thing, every action gets categorized and filed away. It could be as simple as right and wrong (if such a thing ever was simple) or extremely defined such as yellow green and green yellow. Why do we do this? Does this make us feel more secure in our world? I have no idea why detaching things from each other could make us feel more secure, but maybe that's how we detach them from ourselves.
We consistently say "God is everywhere" yet we also consistently keep him in very small parts of our lives (of course I know that not everyone is this way, but I find the vast majority of people do this) like church or devotion. But when it comes right down to it, we don't see God most places. If God is in the child being baptized on Sunday morning then he is also in the robber cleaning out your register at gunpoint. We inherently refuse to believe that these people are a part of God. Surely they must be as separate from God as the Devil (which is another misconception that I wont even begin to get into). But my point is, why is it so hard for us to see all the connectivity between everything? Why is there hipster, emo, jock, hippie, goth and not just people? I think it would be much more beneficial to try and define oneself from ones own ideas. Sure you can't escape society, and why would you want to? That doesn't mean you have to become a slave to it. Don't be afraid to think differently or to agree. If you feel something is right or wrong then you should stand up for that and to hell with what everyone else thinks. For every person that doesn't like you for it there is another who respects your thoughts and beliefs, even if they are different from their own. In the end, do you want friends who are only your friends because you are a social clone and walk mindlessly with the sheep or because you are a free-thinker, independent and unafraid to challenge peoples ideas. I don't mean that you should be confrontational and mean to those who don't feel the way you do, that's borderline persecution. Ideas should be able to be shared freely and without judgement with your true friends. If you are a "hipster", aka skinny jeans, ironic t-shirts, and pseudo-vegetarian (and this isn't just a culmination of personal choices that happened to end up this way) then maybe you should play a little trivia with your friends to see just how "hipster" they are. I went to a fest with my friend who I thought was "cool", aka open-minded, accepting, forward-thinking and after one day she starts going off on these people and all their life style choices. Someone who I thought would be accepting and interested in different points of view just turned out to be a big ole, one sided, my way or the highway bitch and I lost all the respect I had left for her. Of course I understood that I couldn't change her mind, so I just listened and let it go and we drifted apart, but it made me realize that we didn't have the supportive friendship that is really important.
Maybe I've gotten a bit off topic, but I think it all boils down to what I meant to say.
They by Jem
I'm Mav and that's what I think.
"I cannot rest from travel: I will drink
life to the lees: all times I have enjoyed
greatly, have suffered greatly, both with those
that loved me, and alone..."
PS: I am on the Vine now (that app with the videos) and you can follow me at Mav. Also, don't forget I am on instagram as well @TympanicPulse. TympanicPulse is also my gamer tag on xbox 360.
Monday, May 27, 2013
Friday, May 24, 2013
I like to smoke, fucking sue me!
I guess it's that time of night. Exactly 12:09 am. I know I promised everyone a good post after my "family" encounter. I guess I've been avoiding it because the picnic didn't really go like I thought it would. My mom is...different. She is a very intelligent worldly woman and ever since she has been with this man she is flighty and ditsy and stupid. She spends a lot of time with him and his family. Which I'm not surprised she spends a lot of time with him, but they always go to church together and go to the lake because they all live close. I barely talk to mom and we see her once a month and now it's always with him. She's just not mom anymore. She doesn't do any of the stuff she used to do. She likes to travel and he says that she can go travel with her friends whenever she wants, but if you are going to spend the rest of your life with someone shouldn't you want to do those kind of things with your significant other? That's what I would want. When I find someone who I want to be with forever then I plan to share my whole life with them. He also said a really dick thing to one of my brothers. He is walking mom down the isle and the other is singing a song and I am reading a poem. So he says to my brother. "I'm pretty sure she can walk on her own but the other two are necessary", I wanted to punch him in the face. Me and my brothers are tight. We used to be four people that were really close, now we are just three. I've lost my dad, now my mom is slipping away.
We were sitting there and I had nothing to say to these people. They didn't care about anything we had done. I didn't get one question. I mentioned my travels and they didn't say one word to me about it. My mom gave me this look at one point. The look said two things. It said, "I really want you to say something to try and get to know these people," and, "I know you have nothing to say to them, because you are different from each other." It was the strangest look.
On the ride home my brothers and I talked about how we didn't like him and wouldn't ever consider him part of the family and then for the rest of the trip we pretty much sat in silence.
So I fell asleep meditating and had a strange dream.
So I was this girl. My own age. Tall and slender but with very short pixie hair and I was riding with my family to vacation. We get to this place with a hotel and I'm with my mom, dad, brother and sister. I am the oldest. And we are there for two days. Nothing interesting happens except at one point my brother asks me something about our dad and I refer to him as your dad like I know he isn't mine, like I'm not even really related to this person, but when we pack to leave I forget something inside. I go back to our little cabin motel room and I find this key. I go back out and there is a woman in the kitchen floor and I said, "I found something," and she says, "Who the fuck are you?" It's not my mom like I thought it was. I run outside and I see my family driving back. My parents had left forgetting all the kids and the other two jump in and I walk to the car and the mom says, "If you weren't my daughter, I'd have left you." There was something of importance to do back home. I don't get in the car fast enough and they drive away and the mom is waving out the back and yelling at the dad like she is saying 'you snooze you lose.' So I start to walk home. And I look in my back pocket and I have two credit cards. One is for hotels and the other is for everything else. I comment to myself on how lucky I am. It's all I have on me, no phone or anything. I have a montage of travel scenes, like riding taxis and walking past stuff and I get to this town. A town where a serial killer has been on the loose killing young women. We passed through it on our way to vacation. I am walking down this passway with stairs at the end and it's cobblestone. There is this guy maybe a couple years older than me walking towards me down the stairs. (He looks a lot like a really young Matthew McConaughey) and he has his nose in a news paper flipping through it and when we pass he doesn't look up but says, "You look nice, hi," and I say, "hi," and keep walking. He walks a little but then turns to follow me. I got to the top of the stairs and realize I've been walking in circles and don't know where the bus station is. He comes up beside me and starts talking but I'm not really listening and I start to follow him and he is talking about the cruelty the girls that were killed must have suffered and how it didn't sit well with him and he didn't want to leave me alone walking around and we sit on this street corner. It's beautiful. The sun had set but the horizon was still light blue and it was at this intersection and down the left was a large sloping hill. I was in the middle of the city, but down a little side street I guess. This guy breaks a cig in half to share with me and I remember my mom saying men used to do that to be polite and be nice and take the smaller end and he accidentally drops his half and picks it up muttering annoyance at the thing and across the street is this restaurant. It's like a little greasy walk up and get food place. It's got a Hispanic man and woman who looks like his mom working it and they are dancing to the music and having a great time and I found myself being pulled into this lull. The guy was talking and I was listening to the restaurant and I felt heavy. Leaning into this guy. Fighting to keep my head off his shoulder and he says, "A bit of the local color across the street," and he laughs and it's nice. I say, "It smells good," and he says, "yea, it's always hot with a smile." Then I'm in the restaurant and they are hosing out the back and I hear a male Hispanic voice say, "My mother and I never thought we were immigrants until we found that key," and a male hand picks up a key from the runoff and it looks just like the one I found. Then I woke up.
I'm going to start meditating like this more often. Maybe I'll start understanding my dreams better.
It's as god, in a fit of disgust, has decided to wipe us all out.
Creep by Stone Temple Pilots
Musingly,
Mav
We were sitting there and I had nothing to say to these people. They didn't care about anything we had done. I didn't get one question. I mentioned my travels and they didn't say one word to me about it. My mom gave me this look at one point. The look said two things. It said, "I really want you to say something to try and get to know these people," and, "I know you have nothing to say to them, because you are different from each other." It was the strangest look.
On the ride home my brothers and I talked about how we didn't like him and wouldn't ever consider him part of the family and then for the rest of the trip we pretty much sat in silence.
So I fell asleep meditating and had a strange dream.
So I was this girl. My own age. Tall and slender but with very short pixie hair and I was riding with my family to vacation. We get to this place with a hotel and I'm with my mom, dad, brother and sister. I am the oldest. And we are there for two days. Nothing interesting happens except at one point my brother asks me something about our dad and I refer to him as your dad like I know he isn't mine, like I'm not even really related to this person, but when we pack to leave I forget something inside. I go back to our little cabin motel room and I find this key. I go back out and there is a woman in the kitchen floor and I said, "I found something," and she says, "Who the fuck are you?" It's not my mom like I thought it was. I run outside and I see my family driving back. My parents had left forgetting all the kids and the other two jump in and I walk to the car and the mom says, "If you weren't my daughter, I'd have left you." There was something of importance to do back home. I don't get in the car fast enough and they drive away and the mom is waving out the back and yelling at the dad like she is saying 'you snooze you lose.' So I start to walk home. And I look in my back pocket and I have two credit cards. One is for hotels and the other is for everything else. I comment to myself on how lucky I am. It's all I have on me, no phone or anything. I have a montage of travel scenes, like riding taxis and walking past stuff and I get to this town. A town where a serial killer has been on the loose killing young women. We passed through it on our way to vacation. I am walking down this passway with stairs at the end and it's cobblestone. There is this guy maybe a couple years older than me walking towards me down the stairs. (He looks a lot like a really young Matthew McConaughey) and he has his nose in a news paper flipping through it and when we pass he doesn't look up but says, "You look nice, hi," and I say, "hi," and keep walking. He walks a little but then turns to follow me. I got to the top of the stairs and realize I've been walking in circles and don't know where the bus station is. He comes up beside me and starts talking but I'm not really listening and I start to follow him and he is talking about the cruelty the girls that were killed must have suffered and how it didn't sit well with him and he didn't want to leave me alone walking around and we sit on this street corner. It's beautiful. The sun had set but the horizon was still light blue and it was at this intersection and down the left was a large sloping hill. I was in the middle of the city, but down a little side street I guess. This guy breaks a cig in half to share with me and I remember my mom saying men used to do that to be polite and be nice and take the smaller end and he accidentally drops his half and picks it up muttering annoyance at the thing and across the street is this restaurant. It's like a little greasy walk up and get food place. It's got a Hispanic man and woman who looks like his mom working it and they are dancing to the music and having a great time and I found myself being pulled into this lull. The guy was talking and I was listening to the restaurant and I felt heavy. Leaning into this guy. Fighting to keep my head off his shoulder and he says, "A bit of the local color across the street," and he laughs and it's nice. I say, "It smells good," and he says, "yea, it's always hot with a smile." Then I'm in the restaurant and they are hosing out the back and I hear a male Hispanic voice say, "My mother and I never thought we were immigrants until we found that key," and a male hand picks up a key from the runoff and it looks just like the one I found. Then I woke up.
I'm going to start meditating like this more often. Maybe I'll start understanding my dreams better.
It's as god, in a fit of disgust, has decided to wipe us all out.
Creep by Stone Temple Pilots
Musingly,
Mav
Sunday, May 12, 2013
Rant
I hate this class. It's so fucking stupid. I'm pretty much trapped doing something with it. I can't drop out because it's too late. I've already paid for it. I hate this. I hate school. I hate insolent teachers and classes that aren't at the level they should be. I hate working and typing data and being forced into deadlines that aren't realistic. I hate having everyone act like I'm a big deal and do anything beneficial when I could walk out the door and they probably wouldn't even notice but be annoyed at having to do the tedious bullshit they call work they had me doing. I hate court and Shelby County and the fact that weed is still illegal. I hate the fact that I can't smoke when I'm a good person who pays my damn taxes and went to college and has a steady job that I hate. It's the fucking American dream, right?! I hate the fact that because I didn't want to narc on some dealer that I have to pay thousands to keep the biggest load of bullshit since slavery off my record. That's how I feel. I feel useless and trapped and empty and insignificant. I feel like I have no control and the powers that be are sucking out my life force without a single care. That the only place where it's bitter sweetly happy is in my head where none of it is real anyway.
Mav
Mav
red walls, black heart
First off I just want to give a shout out to all my readers in Russia! Thanks for the support, y'all are awesome!
I watched this movie last night that I really enjoyed and I am going to make it my Movie of the Week. It is Shrooms. The title may sound cheesy, and honestly this trailer doesn't do the movie proper justice. Watch alone, or with a friend who isn't going to talk through the whole damn thing. Turn all the lights off and be prepared to inwardly scream at the screen. If you've seen this movie and think I'm being silly about it, well that's your prerogative. I loved this movie and was pleasantly surprised by what I saw. I wasn't sure what it was going to be when I started it, but I'm so glad I did. So have a looksy at the trailer and you can watch it on Netflix or maybe you can buy it somewhere.
Just watched a movie called "The Ward" and it was much better than I thought it would be. Its "horror" but I think it's more psychological thriller personally. I enjoy the ending. It a top notch flick so take a look. I'm not gonna go into too much detail because I don't want to ruin anything.
In case any of you haven't noticed...I like scary movies. Ones that play on the mind. If your mind isn't working then how can we know that anything works? I don't mean working in the sane, insane, productive, lazy sense, but in the active sense. Do you question things? Do you fight against what seems like might be real? Do you challenge norms? Not to get too soap boxy but that's what I mean. I'm in a movie mood. How bout another?
I'm giving up smoking cigs and it really sucks. It's been 48 hours and I have been moody and weird. Part of that may be because I'm on my period, or I am a woman, or I just like to be emotional, but not smoking probably doesn't help. I am just gonna go cold turkey because I didn't smoke all that much (about 7 or so cigs a day) but it's never too early to quit. I know I probably wont never smoke again, but I don't want it to be a habit. I don't want to get into my car and want a cig. It can be social or something.
I should really be doing schoolwork. I just do not care. I try not to be moody and depressed about it, but I just hate it. Maybe it's this place. Maybe I'm lonely? Maybe it's not so surprising that on the inside im hurting because I'm not very good at letting people in. I tend to write things off unless I see them for myself. At least when it comes to love. If I love someone I'll never believe that they really care for me until I see it for myself. It's just something that seems too good to be true.
Blah. Hate for a post to end like this, but I don't want to leave it open for another couple days while I find new things to bitch about and discuss. So here it is. My honesty. My weakness. My heart.
Merry Go Round by Kacey Musgraves
PS: Song of the Day and Movie of the Week pages are fully updated!
I watched this movie last night that I really enjoyed and I am going to make it my Movie of the Week. It is Shrooms. The title may sound cheesy, and honestly this trailer doesn't do the movie proper justice. Watch alone, or with a friend who isn't going to talk through the whole damn thing. Turn all the lights off and be prepared to inwardly scream at the screen. If you've seen this movie and think I'm being silly about it, well that's your prerogative. I loved this movie and was pleasantly surprised by what I saw. I wasn't sure what it was going to be when I started it, but I'm so glad I did. So have a looksy at the trailer and you can watch it on Netflix or maybe you can buy it somewhere.
Just watched a movie called "The Ward" and it was much better than I thought it would be. Its "horror" but I think it's more psychological thriller personally. I enjoy the ending. It a top notch flick so take a look. I'm not gonna go into too much detail because I don't want to ruin anything.
In case any of you haven't noticed...I like scary movies. Ones that play on the mind. If your mind isn't working then how can we know that anything works? I don't mean working in the sane, insane, productive, lazy sense, but in the active sense. Do you question things? Do you fight against what seems like might be real? Do you challenge norms? Not to get too soap boxy but that's what I mean. I'm in a movie mood. How bout another?
I'm giving up smoking cigs and it really sucks. It's been 48 hours and I have been moody and weird. Part of that may be because I'm on my period, or I am a woman, or I just like to be emotional, but not smoking probably doesn't help. I am just gonna go cold turkey because I didn't smoke all that much (about 7 or so cigs a day) but it's never too early to quit. I know I probably wont never smoke again, but I don't want it to be a habit. I don't want to get into my car and want a cig. It can be social or something.
I should really be doing schoolwork. I just do not care. I try not to be moody and depressed about it, but I just hate it. Maybe it's this place. Maybe I'm lonely? Maybe it's not so surprising that on the inside im hurting because I'm not very good at letting people in. I tend to write things off unless I see them for myself. At least when it comes to love. If I love someone I'll never believe that they really care for me until I see it for myself. It's just something that seems too good to be true.
Blah. Hate for a post to end like this, but I don't want to leave it open for another couple days while I find new things to bitch about and discuss. So here it is. My honesty. My weakness. My heart.
Merry Go Round by Kacey Musgraves
PS: Song of the Day and Movie of the Week pages are fully updated!
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
Are you experienced?
Kind of in a funk. Decided to blog about it.
Wrote a new poem.
Covet Me Solely
Rushed, urgent thumps pulsing away the days
giving everything meaning and marking down the clock.
How long 'til it stops and my eyes dilate with pleasure,
'til my breath ceases and I am frozen by the sight.
Will there be wrapping, swaying, hot seconds following--
wet with kisses and longing and need after waiting,
Intense passion may heat my thighs and stroke against my skin
lapping off my aura like dehydrated earth.
Becoming a deep part of me unable to halt the cries of my body
and the creaking of my bones that yearn for connection,
how far will I drift in this ocean of thirst
how close is this distance between
when will I meet my savior and how will he receive me
I've been really into this book series called the New Species series and it's about these people who were tested on with experimental drugs illegally and they had animal dna added to theirs. They are romances which may sound cheesy and cliche but they are so good. They have all the elements: passion, mystery, action, suspense, sex, scifi/fantasy. Each book is about a different person. I guess I'm kind of torturing myself because those type of relationships aren't real, because most guys are pigs haha and not loyal.
So I've been feeling this way.
Feeling Good by Nina Simone
Chill, listen, saturate, accept, vibe
Ravenously,
Mav
PS: I'll get around to updating the song of the day page soon :)
Wrote a new poem.
Covet Me Solely
Rushed, urgent thumps pulsing away the days
giving everything meaning and marking down the clock.
How long 'til it stops and my eyes dilate with pleasure,
'til my breath ceases and I am frozen by the sight.
Will there be wrapping, swaying, hot seconds following--
wet with kisses and longing and need after waiting,
Intense passion may heat my thighs and stroke against my skin
lapping off my aura like dehydrated earth.
Becoming a deep part of me unable to halt the cries of my body
and the creaking of my bones that yearn for connection,
how far will I drift in this ocean of thirst
how close is this distance between
when will I meet my savior and how will he receive me
I've been really into this book series called the New Species series and it's about these people who were tested on with experimental drugs illegally and they had animal dna added to theirs. They are romances which may sound cheesy and cliche but they are so good. They have all the elements: passion, mystery, action, suspense, sex, scifi/fantasy. Each book is about a different person. I guess I'm kind of torturing myself because those type of relationships aren't real, because most guys are pigs haha and not loyal.
So I've been feeling this way.
Feeling Good by Nina Simone
Chill, listen, saturate, accept, vibe
Ravenously,
Mav
PS: I'll get around to updating the song of the day page soon :)
Monday, May 6, 2013
Dissection day in science class!
wassuuuup?
So I'm actually pretty exhausted and probably going to go to sleep right after this.
BUT FIRST THIS!
I spent my weekend in jail. I missed a piss test. Completely ridiculous. I totally called and listened and did not hear them call my color, but apparently I just wasn't listening or something because I missed it and got to spend 48 in the big house because of it. It was boring as shit. First of all, I sat in booking for 3 hours just sitting. After that I got a delousing treatment where I had to strip naked, squat and cough and be showered down by some jailer lady. However, in this unhappy exchange I had my anklets on (they are superglued at the knot and non-removable) and the lady said I'd have to take them off and I said I'd need a pair of scissors and she said she would get them after I showered but she forgot and I got to keep them (tiny win!). Then I got my non-fitting, falling off orange scrub pants and top. I shared a block consisting of four cells. each cell had 10 to 14 women in it. each cell had a single toilet with no walls and a sink for which to get water (and a shower, but I didn't use it. I just stuck out the two days). I got a top bunk (everything is assigned) that was made of a sheet of metal and I got a mat that was about as thick and a folded over sweatshirt. Needless to say I was uncomfortable. Our tv was broken (one for the whole block) so there was nothing to do and the guards wouldn't let us go into our little outdoor area. There were phones to call people, but I didn't have anyone I needed to call and most of the time someone who was going to be there a long time wanted to use it so I just stayed out of the way. I ended up doing what a lot of people bored in jail do, I worked out. Not like hardcore shit or whatever, but I did v-sits and pushups in my bed to help tire me out so I could just sleep the time away. The worst part was the food. It was just terrible. It wasn't much to begin with but it was so bad (like the food in the high school cafeteria that nobody dared to eat) that I didn't ever finish it. I'd eat maybe half. So I was hungry the whole time I was there. It would ruin my appetite and I wouldn't feel hungry until I was sitting in my bed again and I would get hunger pains. I think I lost a couple pounds (which I am not complaining about). The other really terrible thing is that since I had to take out all my jewelry, my industrial and my belly button ring closed up. Annoying. I'll just get them redone in one sitting sometime.
Now I call and write down all the colors to double check myself again to make sure that I am definitely hearing all of them and not missing one or muddling one or not catching one. I will not be going back there. I just have to make it five more months and I'll be home free.
I found out it is a lot cheaper to get an Australia visa than I originally thought. I think I'm gonna sell some stuff at 2nd & Charles to beef up my fund some. I'm gonna take all the help I can. Close to before I go I'm gonna sell my car as well. That'll be a good chunk of money to help fund my way. I thought maybe I'd get a scooter or something while I was there. maybe I can lease something. I don't know.
I had my first Life Skills class today. It wasn't as painful as I thought it was going to be. I felt a bit out of place though, because I feel like in my circumstance I really wasn't in the wrong. I know that's what everyone says and that everyone else says admitting is the first step, but that's just not the case this time. I'm not dumb, I'm not addicted, my not muddled by drugs. I've been clean for 4 months and I believe now more than ever I just got seriously fucked over by circumstances. It doesn't really matter. In 5 months I'll be free and hopefully in the next 10 months I'll be out of here and on to new adventures.
Maybe I had less to talk about than I thought. I'm just tired. Gonna ask the school if I can still take classes if I am out of the country. I hope I hear back from these magazines I submitted my poetry to soon. The suspense is killing me (though I know they will probably all be rejections).
Shout-out to my facebook friend (you know who you are) for helping me out and donating to my fund! It is much appreciated, bra!
Running Out of Air by Love & Theft
Sleepily,
Mav
So I'm actually pretty exhausted and probably going to go to sleep right after this.
BUT FIRST THIS!
I spent my weekend in jail. I missed a piss test. Completely ridiculous. I totally called and listened and did not hear them call my color, but apparently I just wasn't listening or something because I missed it and got to spend 48 in the big house because of it. It was boring as shit. First of all, I sat in booking for 3 hours just sitting. After that I got a delousing treatment where I had to strip naked, squat and cough and be showered down by some jailer lady. However, in this unhappy exchange I had my anklets on (they are superglued at the knot and non-removable) and the lady said I'd have to take them off and I said I'd need a pair of scissors and she said she would get them after I showered but she forgot and I got to keep them (tiny win!). Then I got my non-fitting, falling off orange scrub pants and top. I shared a block consisting of four cells. each cell had 10 to 14 women in it. each cell had a single toilet with no walls and a sink for which to get water (and a shower, but I didn't use it. I just stuck out the two days). I got a top bunk (everything is assigned) that was made of a sheet of metal and I got a mat that was about as thick and a folded over sweatshirt. Needless to say I was uncomfortable. Our tv was broken (one for the whole block) so there was nothing to do and the guards wouldn't let us go into our little outdoor area. There were phones to call people, but I didn't have anyone I needed to call and most of the time someone who was going to be there a long time wanted to use it so I just stayed out of the way. I ended up doing what a lot of people bored in jail do, I worked out. Not like hardcore shit or whatever, but I did v-sits and pushups in my bed to help tire me out so I could just sleep the time away. The worst part was the food. It was just terrible. It wasn't much to begin with but it was so bad (like the food in the high school cafeteria that nobody dared to eat) that I didn't ever finish it. I'd eat maybe half. So I was hungry the whole time I was there. It would ruin my appetite and I wouldn't feel hungry until I was sitting in my bed again and I would get hunger pains. I think I lost a couple pounds (which I am not complaining about). The other really terrible thing is that since I had to take out all my jewelry, my industrial and my belly button ring closed up. Annoying. I'll just get them redone in one sitting sometime.
Now I call and write down all the colors to double check myself again to make sure that I am definitely hearing all of them and not missing one or muddling one or not catching one. I will not be going back there. I just have to make it five more months and I'll be home free.
I found out it is a lot cheaper to get an Australia visa than I originally thought. I think I'm gonna sell some stuff at 2nd & Charles to beef up my fund some. I'm gonna take all the help I can. Close to before I go I'm gonna sell my car as well. That'll be a good chunk of money to help fund my way. I thought maybe I'd get a scooter or something while I was there. maybe I can lease something. I don't know.
I had my first Life Skills class today. It wasn't as painful as I thought it was going to be. I felt a bit out of place though, because I feel like in my circumstance I really wasn't in the wrong. I know that's what everyone says and that everyone else says admitting is the first step, but that's just not the case this time. I'm not dumb, I'm not addicted, my not muddled by drugs. I've been clean for 4 months and I believe now more than ever I just got seriously fucked over by circumstances. It doesn't really matter. In 5 months I'll be free and hopefully in the next 10 months I'll be out of here and on to new adventures.
Maybe I had less to talk about than I thought. I'm just tired. Gonna ask the school if I can still take classes if I am out of the country. I hope I hear back from these magazines I submitted my poetry to soon. The suspense is killing me (though I know they will probably all be rejections).
Shout-out to my facebook friend (you know who you are) for helping me out and donating to my fund! It is much appreciated, bra!
Running Out of Air by Love & Theft
Sleepily,
Mav
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
Apparently...
My paypal account wasn't totally confirmed and I couldn't have received any donations even if you wanted to donate. So if you are still in the giving spirit find your way to my link on the left (Down Under Wonder Fund) or below vvvv
Down Under Wander Fund
and please help me make this a reality!
Thanks readers, you make this thing worth writing!
Mav
PS: I will have a shit ton to write about after the weekend. So great post coming soon!!
Down Under Wander Fund
and please help me make this a reality!
Thanks readers, you make this thing worth writing!
Mav
PS: I will have a shit ton to write about after the weekend. So great post coming soon!!
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