Letter To Nobody

I'm not saying that you shouldn't have changed. I'm not saying that you have made a mistake. I'm not saying you're wrong or your right or they are wrong or right. What I'm saying is, you're different now. I don't know what I expected. Maybe I just don't have a full grasp on cultures and oppression like I thought I did. I don't think you should have to alter the way you look to be happy with yourself or to feel accepted. (I accepted you already.) That to me is fitting into society's stereotype of certain feelings matching certain bodies. Why should we put ourselves in that box? (You are not defective!) I think we get swept up in the idea and truth of transgender identity because it makes sense that gender, a completely subjective thing, would be a sliding scale and not finite categories.[{(warning long tangent:  which I don't even really think it's that. I don't think it really exists. It's just a concept created to more easily categorize people scientifically based on anatomy and systematic response to certain stimuli. I think sex is a very real thing. It determines physically your capability for birthing and whatnot and also might influence hormone levels. But I don't think that's foolproof. I think it's a system that's been in place for so long that we have trouble looking outside of it. It's something we have so closely linked with sex and emotion that we have trouble even fully distinguishing it, and in turn we totally misconstrue a large part of 'what is Humanity' by trying to make it fit specific guidelines. Anyway...)}] Then we forget that we can learn from ideas and knowledge without having to act it out. It is possible for everyone to change from one gender to the other but to me changing your body physically, permanently to match how you feel emotionally is frivolous.  If we had no ideas of gender and masculinity and femininity, would you still want to change your body? You are who you are. If everyone else thinks something different without trying to get to know you then that's on them. It doesn't need to be your life goal to make sure your body tells everyone who you are. Be confident knowing you are awesome on the inside. I'm sure I sound like a self righteous ass, but I'm seriously just so tired of all the labeling. Try removing labels from your life actually. Start with your gender. We are all just people. We can't just wait for the world to change, John Mayer. If everyone is waiting then nothing happens. You can start the change inside of you with the way you view and treat and react to the world.


Mav

Traveler

I feel myself ghosting in
Move tree to tree inside the wind
Playful smile across my lips
Ginger dew covered naked steps
Air of mystery kisses my skin
Swells of passion lift pointed chin
Misted eyes on windswept Echo
Gazing listless over the meadow

Another Somewhat Religious Ramble

Life man. It takes so many turns. How can we put so much emphasis on certain parts? Its all beautiful. A random wandering journey of love and passion and sadness and pain. It makes us stronger and smarter and hopefully a little humble. But the point is to make mistakes. To dig down deep and fall and pick yourself back up. To have to ask for help and have humility. To learn that its ok to be wrong as long as you seek truth and allow for change and new understanding. Maybe we should read between the lines more and not take things so literally. School/church/state are all just compartmentalized versions of the ideas of those things. Religion and worship allow you that first step into consciousness. They are what connects you to the god part of all our brains. But that doesnt mean they have to be an end step. Are there end steps? Is there young and old? Are you growing less now than you were then? Hopefully not. I want to continue to grow and learn until the day I die. There is not adult and child. There is only you and your own willingness to learn and be open. Its ok to outgrown religion and see no use for it. In fact its an extremely healthy thing. If you can look at another creature and see its worth without the influence of some god then you have surpassed it. What other use does it have? And things like keeping order and peace is nonsense. That is a human quality. We underestimate ourselves as humans so much that we refuse to believe we could even evolve into this. Talk about an unhealthy parent child relationship. We are so dependent on them for our own self worth that we have to tell them how much we love them every day. Sounds like every article ive read about narcissists controlling the less secure partner. And many people in those communities are exclusive and nonaccepting. Its a cult. Run by no one and full of sheep waiting to be told what to do because making the decisions without the consent of an authority figure puts way too much responsibility on our hands. Ie: "I dont hate gay people, i just find them unnatural." Thats hate motherfucker. But more importantly, its fear. Fear that if everyone can have kids and love and marriage that it makes it somehow less special for you. How about if you stop worrying about how other people make themselves happy and you just make sure you are a better person than you were 5 minutes ago. Every 5 minutes. And you focus on the things youve chosen to be responsible for and dont worry about other people. News flash: if you dont know about what any one else is doing in their own private personal life then it cant bother you. Also its called a private life for a reason, you dont earn the right to dictate or judge it just because you think you know better. Because everyone thinks they know better. And the bottom line is no one really knows anyway. We are all just trying to get that fabled fruit of life joy in all the different ways. And we cant come back and confirm or deny so we keep trying. And honestly eternal damnation isnt really scary if Im wrong. I find it hard to believe that a guy who rebelled against god and was banished would really worry too much about punishing people for doing exactly what he did. Sounds like another ruse to keep you subservient and worried about something that we dont even know happens. I find what made me outgrow religion was its complete failure to answer almost any of my questions about life and love and happiness. In fact I dont remember it teaching me anything other than how jesus died a million times and a couple days of moses and noah and then basically just chanting at us to be good people but not actually teaching us any real religious history or about how more wars have been fought over gods than anything else and how christianity has only been a thing since like 1000ACE so alot of other wars were fought over and for totally different gods. But they dont have you question that. They dont have you ask why we fight a war over a piece of ground so jesus will come back but we still try to tell ourselves that we want world peace and that we can love our fellow man? Its just so contradictory. So I let it go. Like a dead relationship, religion holds nothing for me anymore. And wherever I encounter it i try to understand that they are on their own journey of self discovery and growth and I hope they too learn that religion is but a bandaid and an excuse. Because it made me stronger as a person and i want all people to understand their own power. It realLy is true. We are the universe. If you looked at the universe as  a whole. Our individual selves would be inconceivable dust but I like to imagine its dark out there. Total black void and one person is a blip. Like a star faintly flickering in its random journey. Because you are aware. You are the universe understanding itself. And its confusing because we only have our one little perspective but more people allow more flecks of light into the picture and if all those specks shared all their information then we would see a lot more of whats out there. Killing and wars and hate and snuffing out others lights only makes the truth more dim and harder to see.  Basically if every facet of the universe from the void to the rocks and ice and gas and creatures all became fully aware then we as a universe would have a full picture of ourself. Do you understand that? We know comparatively so little now. So why say that this is better than that? How can you know? Take everything with a grain of salt and understand that there is always something you could learn that could change your entire worldview. Let it happen. Its not scary. Its ok. Thats the beauty of life.



Mav