The Red Pill

I wish I could organize my iTunes into different times in my life and I could have a "now" playlist that is just always shuffling.  It automatically adds and deletes songs and categorizes and re-categorizes.  That would be so badass.  Why isn't the word 'badass' a word yet?  It has it underlined in red on this site.  Whatever.

I wonder a lot how much time I have.  I wonder if it's already decided somewhere or if I am the one that survives. I wonder if there really is religion and say it's one where you are reincarnated and depending on how good or bad you were you get to have a better or worse next life or whatever.  Anyway. If it is like that and we just have to live here and wonder and not get to know then that is stupid.  Why not just tell us? I feel like that is a really interesting thing to think that if religion is so good then why does it keep so many secrets? To have power over those of us that want the information.  Why can't we just know we are going to have a thousand lives. Then we can at least know what we are working towards.

Sometimes I try to act like I'm all cool about actually knowing nothing about the world/social order/ religion/ afterlife thing.  I say things like, "There are just some things we just probably aren't supposed to know," and people think I am so at peace and at-one with the universal flow and importance and existence.  But seriously I question these things.  I think it's ridiculous to believe it's ok to stop questioning the world.  If we stop questioning then we stop growing as individuals in spirit and consciousness.

I think there is something to be said about the person is just so chill about the finality of things.  How many people are actually cool with being dead tomorrow?  It's a scary thing.  Because it's the ultimate situation of being thrown into the unknown.  We have no idea what happens after we die! We have all these ideas and religions that think they know what happens but no one actually knows.  They just feed us their ideas and we believe in whichever one sounds the most likely to maybe possibly happen.
But I also think to get to the point where you are really chill with finality you  have to have already gotten to the point where you see your inter-connected-ness and importance in the greater span of what we believe is time.  Which is a huge thing.  Sometimes I just feel so inconceivably small in the concept of time.

Maybe the best rout to nirvana is through music.  The song of the day is Heart Shaped Box.

Mav