20 December, 2013

I think that I shall just stay single.  I feel almost like I shouldn't even try.  I never try and all the guys I'm not attracted to like me then when I actually find a guy I like I attempt talking to him in a semi-regular way and it's like pulling fucking teeth.  To be fair, I can't really tell that he is being that way on purpose, but I can't help but think it wasn't so difficult before.  Also, having to make myself not talk to him.  Why should I have to make myself? I shouldn't feel like a nuisance when I want to talk to the guy I'm attracted to.  There is also the conundrum of not really being "in" a relationship and not really having any say in anything and not knowing him well enough to have any idea what he is thinking just adds up to one frustrating equation.  I wish I could just say hey and it be normal.  The other completely likely scenario is that I am just crazy and freaking out over nothing.  Which I am want to do. So I can't talk to him about it, I can't work it out for myself, so I'll just have to see...wait and see...and wait...I hope it is only I that is being a stupid emotional little girl.