Why do you wear that face everyday?

So it's getting cold out and I'm feeling reminiscent of school time.  Buying office supplies and paper and binders.  I graduated and I thought back then that I wouldn't ever miss it, and honestly I don't really miss it per-say but I miss having something to do. A routine.  I knew what I was doing every day.  I have two jobs now and while I usually know what I'm doing when I nanny those 2 days a week, my other job, in an office, is much more unpredictable.  It's nice to have the variety of workdays (filing one day, typing the next, gynastics the next, parks and pb&js the next, proofreading the next) its not really consistent in any way.  Some days I go in and they are like, "Well you can go home, we don't have anything for you to do."  Which in theory is nice because I don't have to work, but in reality it sucks because it means no pay for that day, which literally, completely and ultimately blows large monkey ball sacks.
But right now I'm sitting outside with my boyfriend.  I have a boyfriend now, did I mention that? Probably not considering its been over three months since I last updated.
BEE TEA DOUBLE YOU:  That poem I updated forever ago on here called "Ebb" it just got published in the Poets Across America and I am getting published again in the International Poets of 2012. I'm not sure if I want to send in a poem that I've already written or if I want to write something new.  Problem is right now I'm not feeling particularly inspired to write anything.  I guess maybe if I sat down and gave myself some time I'm sure I could come up with something.  I'm between a poem called "Imbued Atmosphere" and another poem that actually has no name yet, but I forgot that I even wrote it.  I was looking through my computer the other day and came upon it, as it were, and was completely surprised at how good it was.  I remembered writing it after I found it (it was about a dream I had had [which I later wrote into a short story] but it encompassed the feeling of it so beautifully, so wonderfully...I shall put it at the end of this post so you all can read it.

or right now MUAHAHA!!

(untitled)

this water must be shallow

            its warm

I am hiding from you

            sand slopes down my sides

            black streaks of my skin show through

breathe

the air in this water is heavy in my lungs but it’s still good

it’s safe to swim to the surface now;

fins ripple through the water, moving me upward

gasp

I am naked and my naked body is vulnerable to you now

no longer allowed under the water

            you can drag me down but I will drown

 Yes it is supposed to be spaced like that. Do not question my insanity! The ending it my favorite, perhaps I shall edit it more.  Give it some more time to breathe before fully releasing it to the world.)

So I've kind of completely fallen in love with this bbq sauce called Stubbs.  It's phenomenal.  My amazing boyfriend introduced me to it and there has been no going back.  Annoyingly, they don't sell it at Walmart anymore because they like to have people come in and leave disappointed.  I guess they gotta get their kicks somewhere. 

Bastard nincompoops. 

Hopefully, I will be updating more frequently now that I have kind of started to get things going in a semi-consistent sort of chaotic way.  We will see.  No promises, but some assurances that this will be the case.

Song of the day (thought I'd forget?)    The Boxer by Simon & Garfunkel (respectively)

Illusorily, 

Mav

It's bloggering time!!

It is funny to me how people always talk about their "heyday".  If you think about it, the people who have decided to stop living in their heyday always refer back to it.  "Well, back in my day..."  Like when if you (hypothetically) were popular and played football in high school but kind of dropped out and became a deadbeat in college then you will talk about the moments where you made big plays on the field or how all the girls loved you and you were in shape, and cute, and smart, and active, and CLEAN *cough*.  You may also notice people who were big losers in high school but totally blossomed in college will hardly ever mention high school.  Usually just all the crazy times they had in college.   All the drinking, drugs, sex, parties, forgotten nights (I guess we all remember that from college haha) and sex :P We all do it.  We've all done it before. But why is it always past tense?  Today is your heyday.  Live it up.

Something I've noticed people like to talk about as well is their relational lives (family, friends, lovers).  This is particularly important to some people if there has been a disaster (death, disease, weird estrangement).  Because that is what is important in our society today right?  What we have been through?  People brag about their accomplishments, sure, but what do they really brag about? Their struggles!  Look at me, look what I have been through, survived.  Triumphed over.

It's good to remember struggles and to learn from them and teach with them if you can, but should they be thrown out to impress?
Why do we do this?  Why is it that when I say, "Oh... my... god... that meeting was so boring." (simple, common statement) I have to fear a response of, "Omg! I KNOW! I had to sit through this meeting once that was like ten hours and all he talked about was how bad his toupee looked and how his wife doesn't like him, omg you have no idea I thought I was going to die of boredom, and then I got this itch right in my crotch and I couldn't do anything about it because I was in a meeting and I thought I was going to go absolutely mad like you have no idea and then the woman next to me started having a baby and I had to deliver it because I am the only one who (can save the world -_- doubt it) manage something like that and then instead of a baby it was a mutant and I had to cut its head off, but it kept regrowing so I had to gouge out its heart and force feed it to the mother in order to kill the thing.  OMG it was the worst meeting ever! I am the greatest individual ever for surviving such a trifling time! You have no idea. You have no idea."
Yes congratulations.  Your meeting was 10x more horrific than mine was.  Is that what you want to hear?
Though of course we all know it is never actually that grand, but more like "Omg our meeting was boring too, and it was about two hours longer," (imagine that in an effeminate male voice, kinda wispy and southern sounding...and a bit of a drawl [I'm actually imagining the landlord off Seinfeld. Or this guy Bruce that I know]).  Because it's truly become a game of subtlety.  Most people, however, forget the subtlety.  There is always a one-up in progress though.  If I get a bee sting (non allergic), they get a broken arm.  If I get dumped, they got cheated on.  If my dog dies at the ripe old age of 13, theirs got hit by a car as a puppy.  All of which somehow lead to the person somehow "nearly dying" or "being half-dead with sadness".  Also there is this thing of listing sicknesses and allergies.  I get it, you can barely eat anything.  I'm going to need you to submit this list typed and single spaced, please.

NEWS FLASH EVERYONE:
No one likes to be one-upped.  I hate it! I try not to do it.  Mostly because I hate when I am having a down day, or week, or ten minutes and here comes someone who (if they really cared about me would tell me how they feel bad instead of saying that I could be worse off because look what happened to them) says something like that and while I understand that they are trying to, I guess, sympathize in some way and show me that I am not alone or something, but really it just makes my problem seem small and stupid.  Bet I'm not the only one who has ever felt this way.

What is more sad than a world that is defined by its fuck ups?  A world that is full of people who are living out of their "heyday".  I know that I am young right now so technically I am still in my heyday, but I don't ever want to stop being in my heyday.  Do we look back on these "heyday" moments and think "I used to really live it up"?  Screw that!  Every day I want to wake up and think to myself,  "Man, I love my life. Right now."  Isn't that the way to live?  Anticipating the exciting future and not dwelling on the not-so-smooth past.

I guess I've digressed some, so maybe I should get off my soap box.

Maybe if you think about it one-upping is better than one-downing?  Imagine:  Person A- "I did not do well at all on that test."  Person B- "Oh yea? Well I've got a hangnail."

Burn.

Superstitious by Stevie Wonder <3 <3 <3

Musing,
Mav

PS:  I got my CPR and first aid cards in the mail today.  I am officially a life saver.
 Not the candy, mind you ;)
I also won first place in the competition for my poem Zombie.  I should be getting an award in the mail.  I'll put a picture up when it comes.

tiny splendor

Silently, in my room, I cried

I could feel You inside me.

You were already a part of me.

I keep the photo of You in my 

treasure box.  But secretly, 

I cherish Your photo most. 

Hotel California -- the Eagles

Great? Where do you get great?

Happy Saturday.
We ran out of regular coffee so I had to top off the filter with some blueberry flavored coffee.  It's not bad.  I don't put any sugar in my coffee.  Just a little soy milk.  I used to put regular milk but soy has just a touch of sweetness and its really creamy.  It compliments the blueberry well.  Haha look at me being all coffee snob.  geez.  Get a life. The blueberry smells really good though.

I think I wanna watch Seinfeld.  One of my housemates has the complete set.  I've seen a lot of them, but never in order.

Last night The Voices (in the Trees) [my brother's band] played last night at Speakeasy.  It was an alright show but the sound guy totally fucked up their performance.  They were echo-y and shit.  It was bad.  They said after that they could barely hear each other.  "There are good shows and bad shows." Seth Richardson

It is hard to "break up" with friends.  I have a friend and it's not like I could ever say to them "I don't think we should be friends anymore.  It's not working out." Because this person in particular would be very vengeful and talk trash to me and behind my back.  I might even worry about physical repercussions, such as keying my car or who knows.  They are a pretty creative person.  <_<  >_>

Oh the 80s.

I feel like I have found some friends that I am stuck being friends with.  Not just recently but like over the last 10 years haha. But that's good.  It makes life more interesting.  Also it should make you feel good if you have these kinds of friends in your life because it means that these people are genuinely interested in staying in touch with you.  Special.

Man, I've burned some plastic in my day.  I can't wait to start my job so I can get a paycheck and actually be able to save.  I want to get a tattoo and I think it's going to be a pretty decent size.  I am also starting to workout by walking at the moment but I plan to start run/walk/jogging (then just running eventually) fairly soon.

Hmm coffee needs a reheat...delicious

Song of the day is Sunshine of Your Love by Cream.
This is a pretty cool live video from 1968.  I love this song. O.O
They are so fucked up hahaa

Rapaciously,
Mav

I need to meet a decent man. Haha.

just Me and Lytta tonight

So it's been a while.
White grape cranberry juice is delicious!

So I'm back in Birmingham now.  I've been unpacking and it feels like I have twice as much stuff as I actually had.  Upon moving it all just multiplied.  Mated and spawned.  I've thrown a bunch of stuff away though.
It's kind of cathartic.  I've always wanted to do something like this. I have been decorating too.
I hung some curtains on my wall in this diagonal space.  I will upload a picture as soon as I frame and hang the poster I want right there too.  Then I upload the whole she-bang.
My brother's band practices in what was my moms old master bedroom.  Now it has been converted.  Windows padded over and furniture moved out and instruments moved in.  It's pretty cool.  They are here tonight practicing.  It's fun to hear the new stuff and the old stuff and the new riffs in old stuff.  It's fun.  It's not amazing clear because the wall is pretty muffly.  But I can still hear it pretty damn well.  Sometimes its really clear like when its just one person playing. But I guess that is the case any way.
I'm tired and hungry.  I wish I had more to say.

I met the kids that I am going to be nannying for.  They are so adorable.  The boy, Dawson, was having some slight separation stuff but the girl, Sydney, was completely fascinated with me.  She was playing with my sunglasses and my bracelets and my purse and the button on it and she just came and sat right in my lap.  It was so cute.  She just kept smiling at me.  Precious.  I can't wait to actually be nannying them so that I can instagram some photabulons!

So I may not have graduated college. I think that I needed a C in Shakespeare to graduate and I talked to my professor and she said if I got a C on the last paper and the final test then she would consider giving me a C.  Well I got a C on the paper.  People are just fucking bias.  It's been the semester from Hell.  And I thought I did pretty damn well on the final because I wrote what I thought was a pretty damn convincing essay for doing it on the spot.  But apparently I either did well on the final and she just decided not to give me a C or I didn't do well because my TA who grades all our shit thinks I am a slacker.
Also I wrote a really good Kafka paper for my World Lit class and she gave me a fucking D because she said I was misreading Kafka. WTF?! She gave us no guidelines at all for the paper.  Not even a length and then she says my ideas are wrong.  But isn't the point of a paper to explore our ideas? If she wanted me to write on something specific with a specific idea in mind then she should have given me a topic.

It's not that big of a deal I guess.  I still have my anthro degree. On the plus side I have found a decent paying job.  Just goes to show kids: you don't have to make perfect grades in school to get a decent paying job.

Fuck it.

Song of the day, brother: House of the Rising Sun by the Animals
dig it

I'm gonna go get some more food.......damn I wish we had milk......

Inquiringly,
Mav

Coy for Koi

Here is a poem (for a bit o' culture):

Ebb

The stone floor holds me steadfast

where I stand—the bass Vibrates into my

soles making my feet numb—my legs Jolt

            to the Thumping heartbeat in the speakers—

To and Fro my hips sway as an ocean in a storm;   fingers

            outstretched to the sky and spread wide—Tendrils of heavy

                        melody wrap and swirl around them.

                                    The tympans of my ears Enchanted by

                         pulsations, rhythmations, and incantations.

             sounds Dance around my body;  To the ends of the

                                    wisps of hair Falling around my face.  Swallowed

                                                into a world of harmonic cadence, I’m lost in a black

                                                            hole of colorful Undulating flow.

I have just recently found out that I may actually graduate.  Considering the suckyness of this semester and how it has absolutely killed me I am pretty ecstatic to be getting my second degree.  For a minute there I thought I might have to retake a class *dodges bullet* 

I think I want to study art now.  I took an art class this semester and loved it.  I want to get my teaching certification so that I can have that as a back up job if I need it at any point in my life.  Which I probably will.  I'd be a good teacher.  

Such a big turning point in my life is coming.  I have to go into the real world.  It's not as scary as I thought it would be.  I am really just super excited to get to go home and be with my family and friends. 

I think I'm going to take some classes at UAB.  But I'm gonna take a semester off. Fo shiznitz. I need a break and deserve one.  

Song of the day: Sail by AwolNation!!!

I looooove this song.  

I went to Byrdfest 4 this year.  I had so much fun! There was music and everyone was really friendly and people would just walk up and pack a bowl with you.  It was so nice.  I thought, "This is what it's about. People coming together to just enjoy the time and where we are in life right at the moment." There was music, but only really at night.  I don't remember any of the bands names (I went without even looking at who was playing.  It was less about the bands for me and more about just being there.) but there was this pretty decent Doors cover.

I loved being straight hippie for a couple days.  There were fire spinners of all different kinds: hula hoops, nun chucks, Chinese twirling sticks (or whatever they are called.  they look like this....rhythm/flower sticks?), long poles that looked like flags of fire, and some others too.  People also had hula hoops with lots of different colors.  My favorite things were the hula hoops and juggling balls that when held still looked like a buzzing white but when they moved they looked like a bunch of different colors.  It was great for my state of mind. 

There were parts of the trip that definitely made me think.  There is a difference between sticking to your guns and being completely unyielding in your mindset. It's good to be an individual and not just follow the crowd. There isn't one right way to do things.  It's just not that black and white, and if it was black and white then there would be no individuality in the first place! 

Saturday was great.  I woke up around 9:15 and turned to look at who else was awake in the tent and immediate got passed a pipe no questions asked. And we swam in the river and it was so pretty and it felt so good.  We ate shrooms and basked in the sun afterwards.  After that we just got extremely baked. One of the people I went with bought a gram of hash and packed it all into one bowl.  Oh my goodness... needless to say we all kind of zonked out in the tent about 3 hours later.  Everyone raged so hard Friday night and Saturday day that we were all exhausted by the night.  Even though I was up until midnight or so; I was a zombie.  

Sunday I woke up and it was fucking COLD! No one had zipped up the tent.  I had also brought a mattress pad (a twin) and when I went to get into bed at like midnight thirty (after walking ghostlike through the whole dark campground tripping to find it) I saw that three of the guys that came with us were laying with their top halves on it.  There was enough room for me and we slept like that.  Then I woke up in a cold sweat, yuck. But after getting up and getting dressed and packing up a little we had to chief an eighth because the guy that bought it couldn't take any back with him.  This was probably one of my favorite times of the weekend.  We were having trouble doing it because after 5 or 6 fat bowls we were like, "please, let it be done soon." So I suggested that we recruit people so one of the guys that came with us who was sitting in the door of the tent just yells at these guys walking by, "Hey, wanna help us smoke our weed." and they just came right over and we packed a second bowl and were passing around two.  It still took like 5 more bowls to kill it.  At one point we had a 10 person circle.  But I loved it. Like I said earlier, people coming together to share and just hang out and enjoy the moment (well maybe not everyone was enjoying the moment quite so much, but I know that I certainly did). 

I'd definitely go back again.  Except next time I'd bring more money (doh!) >.<

Well if you stuck through that whole post here is another song for you... Summer Breeze by Seals and Crofts

This doesn't have a video.  There are a lot of live ones, but the sound on them wasn't so great so here is one with great sound and you can check out the others if you feel so inclined. 

Insouciantly,

Mav

T- 26 hours

Song of the day is Ends by Everlast

It's cool to start a post with it right? Speaking of which I just updated that page so all the songs of the day should be up to date. One of my residents gets bags of runts. But she only likes the banana ones and she gives me the bag without the banana.  I really only like the Red and Purple ones.  So usually there are bags of green and orange runts sitting around lol.

quirky......

I'm feeling pretty good right now.  Even thought shit is about to hit the mother fucking fan.  I'm mean....it's gonna get biblical.  lol.

Here's another good song.  Songs for everyone!!!  Savior by Rise Against

I have faith in tonight though.  I believe it will be a pretty good night.
I can't wait to be back at home.  I can't wait to have a kitchen and bake things! and cook things! I love to bake.  Cakes and brownies and cookies and pies! and then other things too haha

But it will be nice to have an actual kitchen again.

I can't wait to be old an crazy.  Like off my rocks nuts!  lol MMMM I know what I want to do. Get lit and have a reeeeaaaallly hot shower! yessssss! damn. I'm still stuck at this horrible desk for an hour.  Sighhhhh.  soon though.  You can't keep me from my glorious shower forever!!

Haha I just sneezed and smelled dank ::giggle::
So I hope everyone is looking forward to 420 because I know that I am.  I have no classes Friday so it's open season, my friends.

I love Dilbert.  Here is the comic strip from the day I was born!

It's not particularly funny or anything, but it's from when I was born a thousand years ago.  So close to getting off work.  Then just a ten minute staff meeting and then I'll be hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii-IIII-iiigh as a kite by then.

Have another... On My Way by Billy Boy on Poison

Video of the month or whatever is actually a tv show that I love.  It's called Peep Show.  It's British.  You should all watch it.  Give it a few episodes.

Mav